Ruminating…that would be sort of like thoughtfully chewing my cud and digesting. I saw where ruminating is not a positive thing, like obsession or not being able to let go, but I think it is just a cool word for contemplating something. Contemplating with a keyboard is pretty much what this blog is about so…
I have been giving Christmas some thought. Of course the holiday is kind of in my face these days even in my presently chosen fairly isolated state. Yes, for those of you who are worried about me, I am very aware that I am isolating myself right now. There are reasons for this…one of them is that I am really enjoying it!
I happen to be brought up Christian so I can’t ruminate on other holidays so if you are not doing Christmas I get that. Permission granted to ignore me!
So, this holiday we call Christmas…oh, according to some people I see on Facebook, using the word Christmas when you are in mixed company is considered rude and politically incorrect. That has been circulating for years now and some people seem to be still wound up about it. I am guessing that those people consistently find things to get all dramatic and wound up about.
Did you know that when you are being a drama queen or king that you are actually trying to drum up some energy for yourself? Yes, according to what I have learned people who create drama are deficient in energy and need some. Since energy is even more important to our bodies than food or water well, when starving, being dramatic is one way to fill the ol’ tank so to speak. Unfortunately it often happens that the drama fills people up by breaking energy off someone else. So with drama we are stealing from and wounding each other to feed our own energetic needs. This is a new model from the studies I am involved in for those of you who are now thinking I have been isolated way too long and have gone off my rocker. I didn’t make it up, but I do think it is a good picture of how things work.
Hmmm, that wasn’t exactly where I intended to go with this ruminating thing. Oh, yes, Christmas! Do you know I saw ads that said “last minute Christmas gifts” before Thanksgiving? Charlie Brown was right.
I have a nice friend who has a lot of family nearby and she was sweet enough to take a drive with me to my eye doctor appointment. I wasn’t sure if they planned to dilate my eyes or not so it was prudent to have a person with me who could drive. All the way to the appointment and back she told me of the stress surrounding her holiday experience. This was a two hour drive and included a lunch. I was happy to provide a listening ear and hope that helped her as she unburdened her worries to me.
Later I found myself wondering if she had so much family and needed so many gifts and was concerned and stressed so much by the impending gatherings why people do this “Christmas” thing to themselves? Do we really forget how special it is to even have families who care enough to get together? Do we really forget how amazing it is to have enough money to purchase for others and gather in nice decorated heated homes, with a feast of food, running water and electronics? Do we really stress out so much trying to get the exact number of correct gifts that we forget to simply enjoy each other?
Yes. We do. “How to handle holiday stress” got 2,580,000 hits on Google just now. Bet that is rounded off, eh? “Depression, how to cope with the holidays”…ha, how about this one for ironic wording; “How to FIGHT holiday stress”? Wonder why I have isolated myself? That is crazy and out of control.
With societies emphasis on obligatory joy I am much happier letting go of that stress.
I actually did get some Christmas gifts for a few people. I enjoyed doing it and now need to deliver them. I think I got something they will enjoy. I am not sure if I will wrap them…still considering that. I do have paper and using it would be a good way to eliminate it eventually. Better than tossing it away. I plan to send a few cards too. I refuse to stress about it though. I may not get them out until next year, but then it will be a REAL surprise won’t it! I might even put up a decoration or two…it is getting a bit “late”, but I remember when trees didn’t go up until Christmas eve for many. Stores didn’t decorate for Christmas until after Thanksgiving was over back then either. Showing my age now aren’t I!
Perspective….this year it means finding time to heal and repair my wounds and step out of this fray. Many people are alone on the holidays, but I am not feeling sorry for them. I feel being alone is a choice in most cases. If you wish to spend your holiday with people there are plenty of ways to do it. Volunteering is always an option. Check with your local nursing home and bring a smile to our elders. With 7 billion people on our planet being alone is usually a preference.
The thing many people don’t seem to understand is that it is possible to be alone and not lonely. Well, maybe there are a few of you who do fathom this, but for the most part it seems that people are shocked that I might WANT to be alone. Perhaps I won’t feel this way in a year or so, but now, at this time in my life I feel like I am the person sitting on a mountain top. I welcome the occasional visitor, but for the most part I enjoy being without distractions. I can spend time sitting here poking at my typewriter keys and ruminate to my heart’s content. I can let my thoughts run wildly any which way and not worry too much that I have to tackle my to-do list or go somewhere.
I do have a list. It was filled with very practical physical things this summer. I had a lot of repairs to do, gardens to tend and home maintenance to deal with. Now with the deeper vibrations of winter settling in I am delighted to hibernate, ruminate and have time to do nothing but nap, write or create, play with my dogs, clean up the house, or cook something for myself. I work, by appointment and I just let my life flow around the client sessions like a river around little islands of need.
Going deeper is my choice. I am sinking out of the frantic hustle bustle coffee and energy drink laden society. I am slipping below the agitated worried requirements and rules of how we must do everything on a list long enough to choke a reindeer in order to have a perfect holiday season. When I wanted to make a nice Christmas for my children I thought differently, but now I am crossing off baking cookies, going to parties, decorating my home to the hilt, and sending cards and gifts to everyone I know. If I seem antisocial I can understand. It is truly out of the ordinary to go deeper when everyone else is seeking to be happy, light and fluffy and on top of it all.
This Christmas I am going deeply within my soul, within my being, and seeking what Christmas is really about. I am seeking to find myself in the midst of all the chaos.
Christmas. A Christian adaptation of an old pagan holiday when the deepest darkest days of the year will turn around and the days begin to get longer and lighter. There is hope for renewal. There is hope for peace. There is hope in my heart for people to come down here with me, to peek under the pandemonium and find a deeper more soulful love for our planet and all interconnected spirits on it. There is hope for humanity still…deep under the racket of Christmas I suspect we will find the truth of the holiday.